(Inspired by the Mala writing assignment set by Leigh-Anne (QuietLaughter) in the "Writing as Spiritual Practice" board in Diving Deeper: A Writing Workshop)


I started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert last night. I had eschewed all “God” books for months, no - years. Ever since I left my own spiritual teacher. I needed to find out what was my own. It was as if every thought and every feeling I had about life and how to be in life had been washed right out of me the 10 years I was with him, and slowly replaced with his. His were (are) so close to mine that I couldn't differentiate anymore.

There was a time when the phrase,”There is only now” meant something to me. I mean I really grokked this and it was real. And then, I wasn't so sure. Is it true? Oh God. Well yes, there is Byron Katie's voice in my head. Is it really true? Do I know absolutely that it's really true? Well, no, I don't. So now I've got her voice in my head and I don't know if it's mine either. It feels right, however. I mean her voice. And then I wonder.

I was talking about Eat, Pray, Love. Yes, the first "God" book I picked up in years. It's delightful. Something has been missing in the past months for me. I can't quite put my finger on it. It is as if I'm slightly separated from life. I feel as if I'm surrounded by a wooly cocoon.

I think this has partly to do with my all-engulfing focus on my writing. I mean my book of short stories that I have finally got enough material for. All I think of is the stories that need editing. I want to edit them, so it's not like I feel burdened by it, but there are days, like this week, where all I have is this 'wanting' and I can't get to the editing. I think it's partly because the particular story I want to edit is so huge, so personal, it feels like too much. I thought I'd try again this morning, and thought maybe twenty minutes of a Mala write might help. I think I'm cheating. I should be writing something fairly deep and meaningful. Or, I'm simply avoiding editing that story again.

The feeling I've had the past while is of being slightly deaf - energeticaly deaf -  to everything but the stories. I even write blogs on things like The End of the World and I actually have no real feeling for the subject. I don't know if the end of the world is coming. I can read all that stuff about whats happening with the climate, and all the wars, and the endless spiritual writings on the big change coming, and it touches me not. Not one bit. I don't feel it. I don't not feel it. I don't not feel. I feel warm, sitting here, breathing. Quite happy to be writing something, even if it is not meaningful.

I wonder if the reason why I can't get worked up about all the problems in the world and the potential massive collapse or dimension shift is because I'm so self-absorbed. In a way I do want to be shaken out of this place I'm in. I imagine riding horses hard and fast across a hilly field. I imagine sitting in sound meditation for a week, eight hours a day. That would do it, that would squeeze out a foot or a hand or a little energetic tentacle into some other dimension than the one I'm living in now. Music helps, certain kinds of music. But the crack in my cocoon only opens for as long as the music.





And it's not as if I'm unhappy with what's happening, I'm just noticing it. I'm pretty anti-social, and yet when I spend time with people I feel more energised. My 'ears' unplugged, just a little.

There is an image in Eat, Pray, Love, right at the beginning. Elizabeth meets an Indonesian healer. She asks him how to have an ongoing experience of the divine and be 'in' the world. I'm paraphrasing, it's something like that. He gives her a drawing he made. A figure, with four legs firmly planted on the earth. For a head there are flowers. A smile is drawn over the heart. He tells her she needs to be very grounded to stay in the world, and to not see the world with her head, but with her heart.

I'm writing this down because when I read it I didn't resonate with the description. I don't want four legs on the ground. I don't think I have even one. Do I want to be grounded? I don't have a yearning for an ongoing experience with the divine – I feel no lack in this department. Seeing the world with my heart. Yes, this touches something. I know that in the past, if I have fully let in 'whats happening,' I feel a great deal of sadness for the suffering in the world. I sit here and wonder if I'm pushing this feeling aside, protecting myself. Well. Doesn't resonate. Either I'm really numb or it's not this.

I'm simply feeling what I'm feeling. Perhaps I'm protective of my creative space. Afraid that if I open a door to other experiences, I will lose it. Yes, this feels right. Well what a load of rubbish that thought is.

I know many people feel there will be drastic change in the world in one way or the another - that it is happening now.

In my early twenties, one of my first 'spiritual teachers' told me that the world would divide into two groups of people, those who stayed in the dimension of war and suffering, and those who lived in a dimension of love and peace. He told me that those who lived in peace, would be aware of the 'other' dimension, but this would not be the case the other way around.

Well. I don't know.

Two pieces on this 'hot' topic came across my path in the last days. Both are long, but both are worth a look.

First, an article in the Saturday Guardian by the writer, Ian McEwan: The day of judgment

"End-time thinking - the belief in a world purified by catastrophe - could once be dismissed as a harmless remnant of a more superstitious age. But with the rise of religious fundamentalism, prophets of apocalypse have become a new and very real danger, argues Ian McEwan..."

I found this interesting:

"Apocalypse - and we should be clear about the meaning of this word, which is derived from the Greek word for revelation. Apocalypse, which has become synonymous with "catastrophe", actually refers to the literary form in which an individual describes what has been revealed to him by a supernatural being."

And, I liked what Ian wrote at the end of the article:

"Have we really reached a stage in public affairs when it really is no longer too obvious to say that all the evidence of the past and all the promptings of our precious rationality suggest that our future is not fixed? We have no reason to believe that there are dates inscribed in heaven or hell. We may yet destroy ourselves; we might scrape through. Confronting that uncertainty is the obligation of our maturity and our only spur to wise action. The believers should know in their hearts by now that, even if they are right and there actually is a benign and watchful personal God, he is, as all the daily tragedies, all the dead children attest, a reluctant intervener. The rest of us, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, know that it is highly improbable that there is anyone up there at all. Either way, in this case it hardly matters who is wrong - there will be no one to save us but ourselves."

And, then, the documentary about the Strong City Cult called End of the World - Michael Travesser's the Lord Our Righteousness Church.

It's not particularly anything new, in terms of what I know and have experienced of cults, but the documentary is very well done and interesting and moving, particularly for the interviews of the young people in the cult. (Reminded me of the film, Jesus Camp, which is a 'must see' documentary.)

The blurb to this video on Pistolwimp reads: "Michael Travesser claims to be the Son of God. Some believe him. They (his loyal followers) all can't wait for the world to end, and have lots of sex. After all, you might as well have fun with the Son of God while waiting for Paradise, or not?"


And, just to change the subject completely, (or not), a lovely short video about a cat sanctuary.

This video is called: Kill Everybody: US Soldier Tells the Truth 

It is a film of a soldier, Darrell Anderson,  who refused his third tour in Iraq and is now speaking out about the war; about the lack of support soldiers get, and how 9/11 was a 'lie' and more.

It's worth going to the YouTube version and clicking on the 'more info' link.


In case you don't have a fast line, this is a quote from what he says:

"I joined in '03," 'cause I was broke, I needed money, but I was a young American kid, I wanted to fight in a war. I joined up. [A] month out of training I arrived in Baghdad, Iraq, January '04. Saddam's been captured. And I get there and the guys I'm serving with have been there for six months already; they were there in '03. And I go, "Well, you know what, I think it's come out that, you know, these people had nothing to do with 9/11, there was no Iraqi on those planes. We can see around here there's no Al Qaida, there's no terrorist syndicates in Baghdad, or Iraq. Saddam had stamped 'em out." And I asked my buddies, "Well, you know, we're here to find 'weapons of mass destruction'." And they laughed at me. And I said, "Well, you know, we're here to 'help the people.'" And they laughed at me. And I said, "What's our mission? What's our goal?"...They're like, "All we're trying to do is make it home alive..." Anderson describes the escalation of violence against unarmed civilians: "In April, they told us, "In a crowded area, if one person shoots at you, kill everybody." Anderson explains the rationale from the officers: "They [members of the crowd of people] are letting them [the person or persons firing at the U.S. military] attack you. They're no longer innocent if they're there at the time of the crime..." (9/11 conference, Chandler AZ Feb 23-25, 2007) 911TV.org / snowshoefilms post-production/ 9:46

I've already written a blog about Epi (Enkhjargal Dandarvaanchig).

Well, it was time for another uplifting experience, so I did a little look on YouTube. Since that blog (November 2007), when I searched for a long time to find something of Epi, there are now many more videos of him, and I'm so glad. He's a star, he just has that special something, and I'd love many people to see him. He always makes me smile.. and almost cry. Perhaps I was a Mongolian in a past life.

Here are three videos that I liked - here with Christian Auer and Dost Matur, a wild and fabuluous mix of Turkish, Mongolian, Indian music and more:



And..  with Christian Auer:



And, finally.. at an Irish Festival in Germany...

This is from the wonderful Robbert Genn Twice Weekly Letter.

Robert has given me permission to reprint anything from these, and he is truly a wonder. A painter who teaches, writes (TWO beautiful newsletters a week), amongst many other things.

I was going to post this up on the Diving Deeper: a writing workshop pod, but then thought, no, it's for all of us.

April 18, 2008

Ever since I was a kid I've been interested in the nature of
creative thinking. Where does it come from? Can it be learned?
Can it be taught? I've been curious about my own periods of
creative intuition and creative ineptitude. I've also been
interested in the difference between "wild child" creativity
and mature creative self-management.
 
Most of our creativity takes place in the right back corner of
our brains. In addition, many folks are able to toss the
creative ball both fore and aft and port and starboard. Studies
of various brain disorders and traumas have thrown further
light on the game. Anne Adams was a Vancouver, BC, scientist
and painter who recently passed away from the effects of PPA.
Primary Progressive Aphasia patients eventually lose their
ability to speak. Anne tracked the progression of her disorder
in a remarkable series of paintings. As her condition deepened,
her creativity seemed to move to a different part of her brain.
Her work became more linear, mathematical and ordered. One of
Anne's paintings, "Unraveling Bolero," takes Maurice Ravel's
"Bolero" and makes it visual. Ravel, who died in 1937, also
suffered from PPA. We've illustrated some of Anne's work at the
top of the current clickback. See URL below.

Neurologist Bruce Miller of the University of California in San
Francisco notes that one part of the brain can learn to do what
another part becomes incapable of. While modifications take
place in the process--as in muscle building for specific
sports--by persistently asking, we get. With curiosity,
audacity and effort, creativity can be redeployed. Just knowing
it's there for the taking is part of the game. Sophocles said,
"Look and you will find it; what is unsought will go
undetected." Like Anne, we need to be prepared to let
creativity take us where it will.

We all have personal keys to developing our creative potential.
For some it's necessary to remain mute--for others a mild
distraction is needed--music, even TV. Our individual
preferences in reference material and experience are precious
triggers. Studio tricks, attitudes and physical exercises
jiggle the liquid brain into building the creative muscle. Our
miraculous computers are forever rebooted. These days we seem
to be able to modify and improve the performance of just about
anything. Not including the use of drugs, you can train your
creative brain to be brainier than you think.

Best regards,

Robert

PS: "If one part of the brain is compromised, another part can
remodel and become stronger." (Dr. Bruce Miller)

To subscribe to Robert's newsletter, go to the website The Painter's Keys, which is full of other interesting and supportive material for all artists ( and everyone! )



(From MONPA - the Museum of non primate art)

And.. finally, Nora, the piano playing cat...

Andrew Johnston is 13 years old. He get's bullied at school, because they don't like what he sings.

Andrew's dream is to sing on stage. It's a dream of mine too, and watching him makes me feel he's fulfilled my dream for me.

Here he is, on "Britain's Got Talent".

An inspiring and deeply moving TED talk. Watch right through to the end, it is a full on experience that builds as Jill speaks:   Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

Here is the YouTube version, but it is worth going to the TED website as there is so much wonderful stuff there.





From TED:
"Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness -- of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another. (Recorded February 2008 in Monterey, California. Duration: 18:44.)"

My dear friend Alan Steinfeld of New Realites ("Consciousness" cable program broadcast from New York) interviewed Dr. Bruce Lipton a while back. I only recently saw the interview, and loved it. Bruce says that the 'human is a reiteration of the cell'  -  that the cell's evolutionary step is the same step we as 'individual' humans have to make - to hook up with each other into community...



And, a little something from the wonderful Tony Parsons... just a reminder, that all there is is this...

Well, I thought I was going to do a series of uplifting videos etc for spring.  Life does not always work out like I want.

The following video, called "Earthlings"  is a feature length documentary about our  dependence on animals, but most of all shows the 'inhumanity' of how animals are treated by industry etc. I've known all this, but to see it is another thing. The film is narrated by Joaquin Phoenix (GLADIATOR) and features music by Moby.

Well, February is over. What a month. I think it's time for some inspiring and interesting videos...

First: Randy Pausch - reprising his "Last Lecture" on the Oprah Show. He has pancreatic cancer, and was told he had three to six months to live last summer. He's still alive.



I love the bit about choosing to be a 'tigger' or an 'eeyore'...

Randy (www.randypausch.com) is a virtual reality pioneer, human-computer interaction researcher, co-founder of CMU's Entertainment Technology Center (www.etc.cmu.edu), and creator of the Alice (www.alice.org) software project.